ARE YOU CONTRIBUTING MORE THAN YOU CRITICIZE?

The question I had to ask myself first

Hi dear friend

I want to ask you something I asked myself first, and honestly, I didn’t love the answer.

Are you contributing more than you criticize?

Because we are living in an era drowning in opinions. Social media, news, family dinners, work meetings. Everywhere you look, someone is pointing out what’s wrong. And look, I get it. A lot IS wrong. I am not here to tell you to slap a smile on it and pretend otherwise. But here is where I had to get honest with myself.

I was writing about how exhausting it is to be around people who only criticize and never contribute. And halfway through, I caught myself doing exactly that. Criticizing the critics. Complaining about the complainers. The irony wasn’t lost on me.

So let me start with something more real.

Criticism is easy. It requires nothing from us except an opinion. And opinions, as we know, are basically a renewable resource these days.

Contribution takes something more. It takes energy, intention and sometimes courage. And it doesn’t have to be grand. It’s not about becoming relentlessly positive or pretending the hard stuff doesn’t exist. That is just a different kind of dishonest.

Contribution looks like this I think.

You see something broken at work and instead of just venting about it in the corridor, you bring one idea to the table.

You disagree with someone online and instead of piling on, you ask a genuine question.

You feel hopeless about the state of the world and instead of doom scrolling for another hour, you do one small thing that adds something, even if it is just calling someone who needs to hear a kind voice.

Think about your recent interactions. Not to judge yourself, just to notice. Are you mostly pointing out what’s wrong? Or are you also bringing something in?

I have been in both camps. I still visit the first one more than I would like actually. There is honestly something that feels like relief when you just let the frustration out. I understand that.

But I also know it doesn’t last, and it doesn’t help and it quietly makes us feel worse over time.

The people who drain you and the people who fill you up, you know exactly who they are without me describing them. The difference is usually not about whether they have opinions or whether they see the mess clearly. It is about what they do with it.

So the question I am sitting with, and I am leaving it with you, is not how do I become more positive? It’s more like, when I open my mouth, or my keyboard, or walk into a room, am I adding something or am I subtracting something?

That’s it. That is the whole question.

It’s not about suppressing what you think. It’s about asking whether what you are about to say or do moves things forward even slightly, or just stirs the same pot that was already boiling.

In our crazy world right now where criticism has never been easier or cheaper, choosing to contribute something real is actually a quiet act of courage.

Until next time. Stay grateful and curious.

Light and joy,

Kim