HOW LOVING ARE YOU?

Hi dear friend.

How loving are you?

I am not talking about how loving you are towards other people, animals, or the world in general. We all know that our lives are better when we do well and have good intentions for others, when we are in selfless service for the community around us. In addition, I find it’s always easier to help and give, rather than receive.

Just look at how you react when someone gives you a compliment. Do you take it to heart and say thank you, or do you make a joke and brush it off? Is it easy for you to receive help from a friend if in need?

Most of us know that self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself, which grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. We know that self-love means taking care of our own needs, and not sacrificing our well-being to please others.

I would like to break it down into bite-sized pieces here and really get into this and see what it means, for me at least.

Let’s start with physical love.

To be honest, I still stumble here. It is not often at all that I compliment myself in my mind about my physical appearance. Maybe when I put some effort into getting dressed, putting on some makeup, and doing my hair, I throw a little wink in the mirror and think to myself that I’m doing pretty good.

Physical self-love does not stop with our looks. It’s on many more levels. What do I feed this miracle meat suit that I walk around in? Eating nutritional foods, supporting our bodies so we can be strong and healthy for years to come, is also self-love. Again, easier said than done with all the temptations at our fingertips. These days I try to do what I call 80/20, and that works for me. 80% of what I feed my body is good, and 20% in what I call the naughty stuff.

I like to break down the physical even more.

Our bodies are true miracle machines that we normally take for granted, as long as they function well and without pain. But if we start looking at each part of our bodies, how much self-love do we have and give?

Do you floss your teeth?

Do you ground yourself by walking barefoot?

Do you take care of your eyes by taking breaks from screens?

Do you breathe fresh air?

Do you work out?

There are so many ways to actually give your beautiful body temple self-love. I still forget or don’t do, but being aware and not judging myself for forgetting to give it the attention it deserves, is where I’m at.

Psychological self-love is not about being self-centered, selfish, or narcissistic, but rather about understanding, accepting, and valuing oneself.

I write in my journal each week;

“I love and accept myself just the way I am right now.”

This sentence I got from Louise Hay and her book “You Can Heal Your Life,” which is an amazing book that I had as my “bible” for some years. The impact is even more powerful if you look into your eyes in a mirror and say them.

A part of psychological self-love is acknowledging one’s own worthiness and letting go of self-criticism. For me, doubting myself creeps up in different areas and its constant work to keep it at bay.

Why is it hard to be kind and compassionate to oneself, just like we are to our friends?

Letting go of that nonsense, negative self-talk and doubt that pops up if you don’t guard it, takes practice. We all have imperfections, and I don’t know anyone who is perfect. Again, I try to accept and not judge so harshly, rather seeing my flaws as something I can develop, instead of weaknesses.

Now what about guilt, shame, and forgiveness?

I see them as obstacles that need to be sent away. They do not serve oneself one bit. Let’s make a deal and forgive ourselves and let it go, once and for all.

Spiritual growth came into my life quite late in my 30s. And for me, this is something that has helped me the most in the area of self-love. I did not have a spiritual teacher around me growing up, like most people in Sweden, where my body was born.

I had the questions within me, like; who am I?

Where do I come from?

What am I doing here?

Where do I go when I die? Etc. etc…

These days there are tons of books, podcasts, teachers online, Youtube and retreats to go to, which can share knowledge in the spiritual field, if one is interested.

I was super lucky to stumble over my spiritual teacher, Nalanie Harilela Chelleram, who lived only 20 minutes from us. She has been and will always be my mentor, teacher and friend. I would not be the same person without her teachings, which are purely through the Yoga philosophy and the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali (the science of the mind).

I remember the first teacher training I did with her. It was a full year of classes and a couple of weekend retreats. The first assignment she gave us was to make a list of all the things we loved about ourselves, and another with things we did not like. And I remember her words to this very day, even though this is over 20 years ago now.

She said; now take the list with the things that you like and love about yourself, and ONLY focus on them. When you do that, the others will dwindle away by themselves.

So straightforward, and honestly not so hard to do when you set your mind to it.

And asking ourselves; Who am I? Is so very important.

Imagine schools asking kids this question before they get conditioned and programmed into what society wants them to be. I believe this is essential; to know who you are. Then it is so much easier to step into the power of gratitude and appreciate oneself for who we are and what we have accomplished. Acknowledging one’s achievements and positive qualities truly foster self-love.

I think growing self-love is a lifelong journey. I know I am a work in progress and will always be a student of life in this area. These days though I try to have more fun with it and not take myself so seriously.

So now repeat after me, with a smile on your face;

I love and accept myself just the way I am right now!!!

Tomorrow is a new day, and you will be different.

Until next week, stay curious and grateful.

Much loves,

Kim