Letting go of (the Illusion of) Control

I am in for a challenge.

I have tried to control the world around me all my life. Fixing, organising, making sure it’s done right, or the way I need it to be to feel safe, planning ahead, and not being able to let anyone else do certain things, as that might go wrong. I double-check, make lists, while making sure nothing is being missed. It’s exhausting!!

I've been on a mission to calm that voice in my head, that insists that the world will crumble if I'm not calling all the shots. I have chained myself in a way.

But what I've now figured out is that I need to trade my craving for control, with a big dose of trust. It's like giving someone else the steering wheel and believe that they've totally got this. Not easy for me, and very daunting!

I know in my heart, it is letting go of something that I never had in the first place. It’s an illusion or maybe an anxiety of not feeling safe in the world.

As you read this, I am on a 33-day off-line fast out in nature with hubby. Reconnecting within ourselves and our marriage. Of course I have written this beforehand and scheduled the four Wednesdays I will be away to keep my commitment to you and deliver what I have signed up for.

But I kid you not, I am in for a challenge. For 33 days I will have to go with the flow. I want to, I think anyway. Not planning our trip, not spending hours online checking where we shall go, what shall we do and what resorts to stay in. We have bought, or I have booked naturally, a one way ticket to a far off island in Indonesia for our first 4 days, with no internet, no kids, no drones, thank God for that, and after that nothing. Aaarrrgh… then what? Then what?