STOP CHASING HAPPINESS, IT WAS NEVER THE POINT

The difference between happy and joyful took me some years to spot. Here it is in 5 minutes.

Hi dear one.

It’s only some years ago I realised the difference between happy and joyful. That they come from completely different places within us. There are entire libraries written about happiness and how to become happy in life. But when I really looked into it, there’s a big difference. I love both, don’t get me wrong. If I can be happy AND joyful at the same time, I’m in a full state of yyiihaaa...

So, the difference is.......

Happiness knocks on your door from the outside. Joy was inside the house all along.

Think about it. Happiness needs a reason. The sun is shining, the mango is perfectly ripe, someone you love says something lovely, your favourite song comes on. Wonderful! I’ll take all of it, thank you very much. But notice what happens when the reason disappears. The clouds roll in, the mango season ends, the song finishes. Poof, poof, there goes the happiness, waving goodbye.

Joy doesn’t do that. Joy doesn’t check the weather first.

Here’s the little comparison that made it click for me.

Where does it come from? Happiness is external, triggered by events, people, or things. Joy is internal, a state of being, a mindset you carry with you like.

How long does it last? Happiness is temporary and fleeting. Lovely while it lasts, but it has a habit of leaving without saying goodbye. Joy is enduring and sustainable. It hangs around even when nothing particularly exciting is happening.

What does it depend on? Happiness depends on circumstances. Joy exists regardless of them. Which is why you can meet people going through genuinely hard times who still radiate something warm from within. That’s not happiness, nobody is happy about hard times. That’s joy.

What its tied to. Happiness is often tied to the ego, to achievements, pleasure, getting what we want. Joy is tied to connection, gratitude, and purpose. Deeper roots.

Chasing happiness is exhausting precisely because it lives outside of you. It’s like trying to keep a beach ball in the air all day. New job! Bounce. New thing! Bounce. Holiday! Bounce. Your arms get tired. Mine certainly did.

Joy, on the other hand, doesn’t need bouncing. It needs noticing.

Paid subscribers get to listen to me read this whole article to you. Pop your headphones in and let me chat away in your ear. 😊

Because that’s the real secret, and it took me embarrassingly long to figure out. You don’t achieve joy. There’s no five step programme, no course to buy (ironic, I know, given where you’re reading this). Joy is already there. It’s just usually buried under a to do list, three unread messages, and that thing you said in 2019 that you’re still wincing about.

For me, the noticing happens in the small, unglamorous moments. Sitting still in the morning before the day gets its hands on me. Feeling grateful for something so ordinary it almost feels silly to mention. My breath, the geckos arguing on the ceiling, the fact that I’m here at all. That’s when joy peeks out. Not with fireworks. More like a slow, warm hum.

The yogis have known this forever, of course. They talk about ananda, a bliss that isn’t caused by anything, because it’s what’s left when you stop needing everything to be a certain way. It’s not that the ancient sages had better circumstances than we do. Believe me, no air conditioning, no perfectly ripe mangoes on demand. They simply stopped outsourcing their inner state to the outside world.

And that’s the practical takeaway, if you want one. Stop asking what would make me happy quite so often, and start asking what’s blocking my joy. Different question entirely. The first one sends you shopping. The second one sends you inwards. One costs money. The other costs a bit of honesty, which granted, can feel more expensive some days.

Here’s my little experiment for you this week. Next time something makes you happy, a compliment, a good meal, a small win, enjoy it fully. Squeeze every drop out of it. Happiness deserves that. But then, when it fades (and it will, that’s its nature), see if you can find the quieter thing underneath. The thing that was there before the good news arrived and is still there after it leaves.

That’s yours. Nobody gave it to you, so nobody can take it away.

And on the days, you get both at once, happy on the outside, joyful on the inside... well. Yyiihaaa. That’s the good stuff.

Joy an love from my little corner of the world 🙏

Kim

PS. If this landed somewhere warm in you, share it with someone who’s been chasing the beach ball a bit too long lately. Come join me.